The Crazy Adventures of Peeves the Poltergeist
by Tnelson711
Summary: The title says it all. Chap 3: Enter the second child in Peeves' family - Clarrisa. REVIEW! Seriously, Review! I'm getting lonely here!
1. The Gryffindor Pillow Fight

"PEEVES!!!" shouted a very angry Angus Filch. "GET BACK HERE!!"

As Nearly Headless Nick tried to exit a room, a poltergeist, named Peeves, sped past him, followed by Hogwarts' caretaker, Argus Filch. He stared for a moment, then went back into the room.

Peeves, today, had set off a water bomb dynamite in the girls bathroom, causing every girl to scream, particularly Moaning Myrtle. Unfortunately for him, Argus was in the bathroom trying to unclog a toilet, and was caught up in the mess. This caused what was happening right now. Long story short, Peeves got away, leaving Argus to clean up the bathroom. But that's not the point. Perhaps I should tell you what this is all about. This is a story about the CRAZY ADVENTURES OF PEEVES THE POLTERGEIST!!! When I say crazy, I mean really crazy.

The Crazy Adventures of Peeves the Poltergeist

The Gryffindor's 1st Annual Pillow Fight

The following happens during "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Askaban".

Peeves was humming merrily to himself as he was walking slowly down the hall. He was apparently looking for something; but what? In a few seconds, he saw what he was looking for – a pillow left on the floor. He joyfully picked it up, then continued searching. During the search, he found four pillows on the floor. But why was he searching for pillows?

Unfortunately, during his search, he ran into Argus Filch, still angry about the bathroom incident. He pointed a finger at Peeves, then pulled it down. He muttered, "You're cunning, Peeves. You're very lucky that Dumbledore thought it slightly amusing. Slightly amusing, bub. If he didn't find it funny, you would've been done as dinner. Say, why have you got pillows?"

"Oh," said Peeves. "I found them on the floor, and thought I'd pick them up, seeing as no one else was going to pick them up. Thought I'd give you a rest, sir."

Argus looked confused. "Alright, Peeves, you're up to something, I just know it. Don't think you're off the hook so easily. I'll believe your claim for now, but if I catch you doing something nasty with those pillows, you're as good as gone." With that, he walked off, leaving Peeves to continue collecting pillows. In a matter of hours, around dinner time, he had collected about ten pillows on the floor. What was Peeves up to?

At the Great Hall, several students were anxiously awaiting the big message Albus Dumbledore had promised for them. As everyone knew, today was the... something... anniversary of the opening of Hogwarts, and Dumbledore had a surprise for today and tomorrow only.

"Ahem," said Headmaster Dumbledore. "Today and tomorrow, we'll celebrate the opening of Hogwarts by letting all four Houses roam freely around the School tomorrow, as brother. As long as none of you go into forbidden areas. And," he cleared his throat for a moment. "We'll allow the houses to sleep with each other tonight. So basically, today's a day off. But I'm sure some of you will use this time wisely." Everyone cheered at this. Especially Peeves, with a big grin on his face, and left to do... things. As a result, he missed the last part of the speech.

"However," continued Dumbledore. "it would be in the best intrest of Argus Filch if you watch out for Peeves, as Filch claims that the poltergeist is up to something. So, have fun! Now, let the feast began."

After the feast, Draco Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, were arriving at the Slytherin house.

"Boy," said Crabbe. "I sure am stuffed after a big dinner."

"Me too," agreed Goyle. "Wanna hang out at a different house?"

"That sounds good," said Malfoy. "As long as it's not in Gryffindor."

Suddenly, as they went into the Slytherin Common room, they saw a piece of parchment on their beds. By the looks of it, there were a lot of them put on the bed. They all read the same message:

Place – Gryffindor Common Room, Time – 9:00 PM-11:PM, Reason – Pillow fight.

The three boys looked at one another, confused, then had a plan.

At the Gryffindor Common Room

Harry was discussing stuff to Ron and Hermione about the upcoming exams. Or rather, Hermione was nagging Harry and Ron to study.

"Now remember," nagged Hermione. "if you don't study, you won't pass. If we don't pass, our parents won't be happy!"

"It's not like the Dursleys are going to care, anyway," pointed out Harry.

Suddenly, Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, and some Slytherin first years, entered the room.

"Alright, Harry," said Draco. "We know you're up to something, with that note about the pillow fight. You're trying to get us in trouble, aren't you?"  
"What pillow fight?" asked Harry. "And I don't remember writing that note."

"Nice try," said Draco. "But we received a note. In fact, we received a lot of notes. From you guys."  
"Yeah!" shouted Crabbe.  
Hermione sighed, and said, "With that many notes, we would've been using a lot of Copy spells. And only fifth-years can start learning it."  
They continued arguing, not noticing Peeves sneak up on Hermione. He threw a pillow at her.

"OOF!" shouted Hermione. "Real mature, Draco."  
"It wasn't me!" shouted Draco in defense, not noticing a pillow heading straight toward him. "OOF! Who threw that?"

Pretty soon, the big pillow fight began. Many people were hit. Many people were fighting. And just about everyone was covered in pillows.

"HOW ABOUT SOME OF THIS, POTTER?"  
"YOU'RE GOING DOWN, SLYTHERIN!"

"GOT THEM! LOOK AT THOSE FEATHERS!"

"YOU CAN'T GET ME! YOU CAN'T GET- OOF!"

Pretty soon, Peeves started throwing more pillows. Many were hit. Unfortunately, Peeves was unaware that he was not invisible anymore.

"Peeves?!" shouted Ron. "What are you doing here?!"

"Attention, Gryffindor and Slytherin," he said in a bossy tone. "If you're having a pillow fight, then you're doing poorly." He grabbed a pillow, and started throwing pillows across the room, and even using the old fashioned Pillow fight whack. "_That's how you pillow fight!_" Soon, everyone started fighting with pillows. Peeves cackled loudly, and was the undefeatable champion of the fight. Everyone had a good time, until...

"WHAT IS GOING ON UP THERE?!" shouted Filch, angrily.

"Uh oh..." was a common term for this particular moment, as Filch raged upstairs in a flash, and saw the room covered with feathers, and a very guilty Peeves.

"Shame on you," shouted Filch. "for having a pillow fight."

Immediately, everyone pointed at Peeves, and shouted, "PEEVES DID IT!"

"Well, that simplified matters a bit. Ten points from Gryffindor," she noted. The Slytherins started to laugh, before Filch said, "And ten points from Slytherin," causing them to be annoyed.

Peeves started to walk away casually, before Filch said, "Hold it Peeves! Since you started it, it's up to Dumbledore you go! He's not going to be happy one bit!" He smiled devilishly.

At Dumbledore's office

"Tsk, tsk," said Dumbledore. "Filch had the right idea about Peeves when he started collecting pillows."

Peeves gulped. Filch was still smiling.  
"However," continued the headmaster. "I specifically said that today was a free day, and I did not say anything about Pillow fights. As long as no one is hurt, it's fine. And it will take a lot more than pillows to hurt someone. I have to say, I'm a bit impressed at this elaborate plan, Peeves. Long story short, you're not in trouble today. But be more careful. This meeting is over."

At hearing the words _Not in trouble_, Filch was annoyed that Peeves had gotten away with it. But, he was surprised when Peeves was casual in leaving the office with Filch. But as soon as they were outside the office, Peeves squeezed Filch's nose, and shouted, "GOT YOUR CONK!", then flied off, with Filch in high pursuit.

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Review, or Peeves will "GET YOUR CONK!"


	2. Beans and Peeves

The Crazy Adventures of Peeves the Poltergeist

Beans and Peeves

Filch had had a rough week. First, he was caught in the middle of a prank by Peeves in the bathroom, and had to clean up the girls bathroom. _He_ had gotten teased for being in the girls bathroom. The next day, on Tuesday, he could not get any sleep because of the pillow fight, started by Peeves, and he had gotten away with it. Wednesday, he found it funny to walk beside him in a suit of armor, and pretend to be a knight. Thursday, he stuffed poor Mrs. Norris in a suit of armor, and he had to rescue her. Now, today was Friday, and he was looking forward to the weekend.

Peeves, on the other hand, was having a wonderful time. The water bomb prank sure got some attention from George and Fred. And the pillow fight was funny. He floated past Filch, and said, "Did you have a good sleep last night, I mean, with the pillows, and-"

"Shut. Up," grumped Filch, still sore from what happened on Tuesday, and walked off.

"Sheesh, grumpy," said Peeves. He then floated on, and saw (horror of horrors) Professor Snape. Snape was talking to four kids (Harry Potter, Cho Chang, Justin Finch-Fletchley, and Draco Malfoy), reminding them about their upcoming test. Peeves, feeling up to getting on Snape's nerves, turned invisible, and floated behind Harry.

"Now remember, the test will be on the infamous sleep potion, so-" began Snape... sorry, _Professor_ Snape, before...

"PPPPFFTHHHHHHHH!"

Snape looked at Harry, scowled, and said, "Real mature, Potter. Ten points from Gryffindor."

"It wasn't me!" protested Harry.

Snape sighed. "Just like the opening of the Chamber of Secrets wasn't done by you. Don't get cheeky, Potter. Anyway, I won't give you hints, so you had better-"

"PPPPFFTHHHHHHHH!" was the sound effect made by Peeves, who now was behind Justin. Snape looked at Justin for a moment, then said, "Ten points from Hufflepuff for taking Gryffindor's example. Now, as I was saying-" Snape started. Peeves was behind Cho Chang now.

"PPPPFFTHHHHHHHH!"

Snape looked at Cho, then frowned. "Ten points from Ravenclaw, but I'll let you off if you all admit it."

No one was willing to admit. Peeves was going to do the most horrible thing of all – make Snape take points from his own house.

"Anyway, you'll have a free period to try making the potion, to study for the test, but I warn you, don't-"

"PPPPFFTHHHHHHHH!" went Peeves.

Snape looked at Draco, then sighed. "I didn't want to do this, but ten points from Slytherin. Well, every house has lost points. Whoop de doo," said Snape sarcastically. He then walked off, not noticing Peeves silently snickering.

In Snape's Potions room – not even as cold as Snape – he was watching over the students, making sure they didn't act up. What he didn't see was Peeves sneaking up to random people.

"PPPPFFTHHHHHHHH!" went Peeves behind Ron.

Snape looked at Ron for a moment. "Ten points from Gryffindor. But I can't say I didn't expect that, for I would be lying."

Ron sighed, then continued on his potion (or rather, doing his best not to fail this test, but failing to do so), wondering why he had lost points.

Peeves went behind Crabbe now. "PPPPFFTHHHHHHHH!"

Snape looked at Crabbe, then frowned. "Ten points from Slytherin."

Pretty soon, Peeves had gotten behind everyone, each person having Peeves' Flatuence Problem. In Potions, Gryffindor had lost 50-

"PPPPFFTHHHHHHHH!"

...make that 60... points, Slytherin had lost 90 points, Ravenclaw had lost 20 points, and Hufflepuff had lost 50 points. And Snape was not happy. He was calm with the results (Hermione, as usual, passed, while, suprisingly, Ron had also passed), but was on the edge of giving everyone detention.

Later that day, Snape was walking down the hall, with Peeves invisibly following him. Each time he passed a student, Peeves went "PPPPFFTHHHHHHHH!", causing Snape to take away that student's house ten points each. However, he became suspicious as he began walking.

"I just know I'm being follow, I just know it," he muttered to himself. He merely shrugged, and continued walking.

Before long, Snape had passed (second horror of horrors) Argus Filch. Peeves, believing it to be another student, did the honors.

"PPPPFFTHHHHHHHH!"

Unfortunately, Snape couldn't give points, since Filch was just staff. He figured something was going on.

"Say, Filch," began Snape.

"Yes, Professor Snape?" questioned Filch.

"I have the stangest feeling that something's following me. What's worse, all the students are making rude noises from You-Know-Where, and it's happening unusually often," explained the cold-hearted Professor.

"It's either Peeves, or beans. And I highly doubt that it was-"

"PPPPFFTHHHHHHHH!"

Filch scowled. He muttered something comprehensible, then shouted his traditional, "PEEVES!"

Peeves, seeing that he was in big trouble, began running, with Filch and Snape in high pursuit. Realizing he couldn't hide once he was found out, he turned visible, and started making noises of "PPPPFFTHHHHHHHH!" as he floated, with Snape and Filch after him. Some of the students passing by laughed, then shrieked when they saw Snape. While he was floating for his life, he took a moment to slam a door on Neville, causing his lip to be broken. Snape shouted, "can the nearest teacher to Neville take him up to Madame Pomfrey's? We're busy trying to catch Peeves."

Soon, Peeves had been cornered. He turned invisible, and when Snape and Filch came to grab him, he gave them a jolly good slap, then flied, turning a sharp direction, causing the other two to get lost.

Long story short, he got away, but not until running into (the most horrible thing of all) the Bloody Baron.

"What's this I 'ear about you framin' students for making rude noises, Peeves?!" snarled the Baron.

Peeves, realizing he was caught, got his puppy-eyed look on his face, saying, "I'm sorry.."

The Baron looked at him for a minute, then said, "Just don't try that stunt again, bub." He then floated off. As soon as he was out of sight, Peeves cackled madly, knocking things over as he floated around the corridor.

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_Review! Or you shall forever be cursed by having Peeves behind you all the time, making noises like this - "PPPPFFTHHHHHHHH!"_


	3. The Wrath of Clarissa

The Wrath of Clarissa

Peeves was zooming down the hallway, knocking down one vase for every vase he passed (practically all of them), cackling madly. He went hyper again for eating too much sugar the previous night. So he went on a rampage, knocking down vases, causing him to have the wrath of Argus Filch and her cat, Mrs. Norris, when he was caught, that is. He was speeding down the hallway, when he stopped. Something was wrong. Very wrong. He came across a broken vase.

"Oh no..." he muttered. "I booked that vase for breaking at this time. This must mean someone else must've broken it. That means... oh oh." He was oblivious to the fact that Argus was behind him. "I'd better find _her_ soon." He then zoomed off just as Argus swiped for him, the latter failing miserably.

Clarissa the Poltergeist was minding her own business, knocking down portraits, vases, and even suits of armor. She heard someone coming, so she hid in a nearby vase. However, the someone coming was Peeves, looking for his little sister.

"Excuse me," he asked a portrait of Godric Gryffindor. "but have you seen Clarissa the Poltergeist anywhere?"

"Me?" said the portrait. "No, but I have seen someone like you, but younger, and is a girl."  
"Where?"

"She went zooming by a few seconds ago."

"Thanks," said Peeves, and zoomed past him, but came back. "Just to throw off suspicion, I'm sure blood won't go to your head," he said, before turning the portrait upside down, then zoomed off, unaware that Filch had just entered the hallway. "Which way did he go, Godric?"

"Thataway," said the portrait, pointing to his left. Logically, he was rotated 180 degrees, so his left would be right, now. So logically, he was pointing right. "Why do you want to know?"

"I seem to have misplaced the Marauder's Map," complained Filch, before zooming off in pursuit of the poltergeist.

Meanwhile, Peeves was checking all the vases, careful not to break one. He saw one rattling, looked inside, and only saw Scabbers. He frowned, then turned to see Clarissa. "BOO!" she squealed.

Peeves screamed, drawing attention to everyone within a 50ft radius, which Filch was barely (and the only one) in. "What the heck are you doing here?" gasped Peeves.

"I came here to see you!" said Clarissa in delight.

"Well, that's nice and all, but Gramps-" began Peeves.

"Who's Gramps?" asked Clarissa.

"A nickname for Argus Filch, or should I say Filchie. Anyway, Filchie has a grudge against me, and if he sees you and me together, he'll send me to Dumblydore, and you'll be sent to the Bloody Baron!"

"EEK!" sarcastically said Clarissa. "He sounds so scary."  
"Nice sarcasm," commented Peeves. "But-"  
"PEEVES! I'M COMING FOR YOU, PEEVES!" screamed Filch from just out of eyesight.

"Get in the vase," whispered Peeves, which Clarissa did, frightened by the person who shouted, as Filch walked up to Peeves.

"Just what are you doing near that vase?!" screamed Filch.

"Nothing," lied Peeves, looking timid of Filch for once.

"...You're not going to break it, are you?" said Filch in an angry tone.

"Why yes I am," said Peeves, but whispered to Clarissa, "Fade out, please.."

"What did you say?"

"I said 'Get lost, Filchie!'" shouted Peeves, then broke the vase, revealing an invisible Clarissa, who was still invisible. Peeves then squeezed Filch's nose, then flew off, with Filch in high pursuit, leaving Clarissa to follow, unnoticed.

Later, during lunch period, Clarissa had caught up to Peeves in the hallway. "So, Peeves, how are things going at Hogwarts?"

Peeves sighed. "They are going good, Clarissa. I'm a riot, breaking vases and everything."

"But mom said not to break anything at Hogwarts!" screamed Clarissa.

"Since when do we listen to mom?" laughed Peeves.

"Good point," said Clarissa, laughing with him, and knocked down a vase.

"PEEVES!" shouted Filch from just around the corner.

"Turn invisible," muttered Peeves, to which Clarissa reluctantly obeyed, just as Filch arrived.

"Alright Peeves, you've broken two vases too many in the same day. I suspect that you have a partner in crime. Tell me all you know," ordered Filch.

"Alright," said Peeves, before clearing his throat. "I arrived at Hogwarts in-"

Filch slapped his forehead, then sighed, "Never mind,", then walked out of sight.

"Phew," said Clarissa, as she turned visible again. "that was a close one. Filchie here sure is grumpy. Maybe we should get on his nerves."  
"Nah," said Peeves. "He's had enough-" He didn't finish his sentence, as an idea struck him. "I have an idea.."

Suddenly, they heard footsteps. Clarissa turned invisible again. Ron came into the room, and asked Peeves, "Have you seen Scabbers?"

Peeves just shrugged.

Meanwhile, Filch was busy cleaning up the mess Peeves made, muttering all the way.

"Stupid McGongall, stupid Dumbledore, stupid PEEVES. Why me to clean up for a mess I clearly did not make? What do I look like, Peeves' caretaker?! If I weren't a Squib, I'd magic him out of Hogwarts right now! But noooo! I have to be a-"

CRASH!

"PEEVES!!!" shouted Filch. "THAT'S STRIKE THREE! YOU'RE DEAD WHEN I CATCH YOU!" He then ran off to chase after Peeves. He was starting to catch up when he went past a transversing corridor, with Clarissa running like his mirror. He paused. Was that his mirror? He took a look, then sighed in relief. He must be getting crazy. He turned around, trying to find a passage, when behind him, a crazy sound was heard, alerting Filch.  
"PEEVES?!?" shouted Filch. _How in Hogwarts did he become so fast?!_

He went after Clarissa, believing her to be Peeves, and nearly caught her, when he bumped into Peeves himself.

"Hey Filchie! Here's some _lurving!_" he taunted, before kissing him, and flying off, with Filch in hot pursuit. He passed his pet cat, Mrs. Norris, and told her, "Go the secret way. Intercept him, Mrs. Norris." She meowed in agreement, and went through a secret corridor, ready to intercept Peeves...

...who, by the way, went a sharp turn, and met up with Clarissa. "How's this, Clarissa?"

"It's the best fun I had since I flooded my dad's office!" squealed Clarissa.

"...YOU FLOODED DAD'S OFFICE?!?" screamed Peeves.

"Yep."

"That's my sister!" proudly exclaimed Peeves, before...

"BUSTED!"

Luckily, Clarissa turned invisible in the nick of time, before Filch had time to see her.

"So, Peeves, it's up to Dumbledore you go!

Peeves sighed. He know when he had been beat. But he wasn't beat yet. He went into the same location as Clarissa, and said, "Alright Filchie. You caught me. But I won't... erm... what's the phrase again?"

Filch sulked. "Come quietly."

"That's it. Anyway, I won't come quietly. If you can't figure out which one is the real me." As he finished his sentence, he and Clarissa, now visible, separated with each other, and floated side by side.

"T-t-t... TWO PEEVESES?!?!?!" screamed Filch. Overcome with stress, he fell onto the floor, unconsious.

"Well, he's out for now," said Peeves. "Now hows about we get some dinner?"

"Okey-dokey," said Clarissa. "But first..." She handed him Scabbers, before turning invisible. Peeves started to put it in his pocket, when Ron came into the corridor.  
"There's Scabbers! Bloody heck," said an annoyed Ron. "why would you be with Peeves?'

Peeves just shrugged.

To Be Continued...


End file.
